Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
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