I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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