I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
