Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
