ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
