Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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