Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Randomize
