I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
