i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
