She said her name was "party"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
