it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
