i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
