Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Randomize
