if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
