Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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