I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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