how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
