Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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