U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
