windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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