allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
