She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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