the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Are we in a gay sports bar?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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