A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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