I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
