why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
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