he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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