Whod you bang
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
