she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
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