I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
