Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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