i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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