i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i think my mom watched the whole time
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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