just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
