She is in my trunk
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
