piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I need moral support for this bender
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
