I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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