he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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