Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
