I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
