I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
