i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You dont lie about slip and slides
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
