Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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