some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
