I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
