you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Houston, we have a squirter
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
