were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
