Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Boobs speak an international language.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
