do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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