What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
